Home Alone

Last week, I experienced a big first for myself and for my family. It was the first time in over 3 years that my parents left me all alone, since I have become wheelchair bound. You might think, what twenty somewhere year old has to have someone around her 24/7 but you also might not know what certain people have to go through each and every day. I bet it was extremely scary for my parents to leave with without the watchful eye of someone looking out for me. I know that there were so many things that could have happened. I could of fallen out of my wheelchair and not be able to get up, I could of not been able to change my clothes one day, or need help to shower, or to cook, or if I’m weak and need someone to lift me, or anything that could happen to a cancer patient who is also 99% wheelchair dependent. I know if I were a parent, I would be scared out of my mind. But I’ve been practicing extra hard. I’ve been learning how to live a completely different life by being in this wheelchair. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy, it took a lot of tears and horrible days to figure out what is right and what is wrong. But I have been learning the different techniques to make my life livable and to be able to do most of it on my own.

It isn’t the same for each person, everyone has their own methods and what works for one person may not work for another. You have to figure out you own special little techniques and try them out and then perfect them.

Transferring from my bed to my wheelchair and vice versa is a breeze now. We have lowered my bed to the height of my wheelchair and now I just have to pop on over with the strength of my arms. Changing my clothes sometimes gives me a little challenge because my left arm doesn’t work completely, since the bone has died and I cannot use it properly, so I have to technically do everything with one arm and no legs. Sometimes I get stressed out because I know how easy it is to get dressed for an able body person, but then I just have to take a deep breath and go back at it again at a slower pace. Cooking has gotten easier because I’ve figured out what I can and cannot do, and since my parents rebuilt the entire kitchen, it really made a huge difference and made things much easier for me. I was even able to go out back to water the plants and play with my puppy. Right now the hardest part for me is showering because my body decides to spasm out when water hits it and I can never tell what it is going to do when it’s time to transfer out, so I’m still scared to do that task completely on my own. But everything else is getting easier and easier as time goes on. I believe that most of the problem comes from fear. I know I get so scared because if something happens, it will make it ten times harder on all of us and it will take me back a few steps.

Even though I was super excited to try doing everything on my own and have the house to myself, the funny thing is, all I wanted to was lay on the couch, hug up my puppy and watch TV or read a book. It was peaceful being home alone and doing anything I wanted to do. I think I caught up on so much rest and finished so many other outstanding little tasks around the house. Me time was amazing. I worked at my own pace, didn’t have to put on clothes, I didn’t have to wake up at a specific time, I didn’t have any schedule but my own. All I can say is that it was a peaceful experience.

I only came across one problem. One day I woke up very weak and I did not want to do anything. I didn’t want to get up, eat, drink, or even change the channel. But I had to force myself or else I would have gotten weaker. I guess this is when I need someone to be with me, the days I feel like I can’t take care of myself. But I needed to push myself and I realized I can do it, it might take more effort and strength but I still was able to get myself up and do it.

Even though I enjoyed spending time alone, I love every single second I get to spend with my parents. If I had to choose whether I want tot be alone or with my family, I would defiantly choose my family all of the time. But I do believe that they deserve some time away from me because I know I’m a handful. Dealing with all of the different factors in my life on a daily basis is not easy. My parents have been dealing with all of this my whole entire life and have never left me alone when I needed them the most. Not many parents are able to quit their jobs and stay every single day and night at a hospital with their child. I will always be extremely thankful for having my parents and my brother and I know for a fact I would not be here without them. Alone time in short periods are nice but I do still love being around my family. I’m glad I’ve gotten to experience what it’s like to do things on my own and I can’t wait for more alone days in the future. Thank you for the few individuals who always checked up on me each and everyday to make sure that I was safe and doing well. Tasks take a lot more time and patience than able body individuals, but even if you are in a wheelchair, you are still able to do anything and everything with slightly different techniques, so never give up.